The Tartar Sauce Report

The premiere site for tartar sauce reportage

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The rumor is unfounded

I just checked, and there's no truth to the rumor that Coca Cola will b introducing a tartar sauce-flavored soda.

Monday, February 28, 2005

No Sauce at EJs

On Saturday night we (the family and I) ate at EJ's Luncheonette (or Diner, or whatever) on the Upper West Side. Amsterdam just north of 81 st, if I remember correctly. I had fries with my burger, so it was a great moment for tartr sauce. But they had none. Dang!

Friday, February 25, 2005

Steak (w/o) Tartar

Yesterday I had lunch as part of a group at Cafe San Martin on 49 Street between 3rd and Lexington Avenues. We were taking out a coworker because Monday is her last day in the office. I ordered the black angus steak, and asked for little tartar sauce on the side. The waiter said OK. The food came without the sauce, but i didn't notice at first, since we were all concentrating on Kerfuffle's (not her real name) last day (I, for one, will miss her).

o about halfway through my steak, I realize I didn't get the tartar sauce. I eat most of the rest. By the time I get the waiter's attention and ask again for the tartar sauce, I have one bite left. Our waiter was very apologetic, and went to get some, while I waited, and my coworkers, most of whom know nothing about this blog, look puzzled as to why I want tartar sauce. Eventually, the waiter returned with the sad news that there is no tartar sauce. So I finished my steak.

A little bit of commentary here. My meal was really good. Great steak. But if you want tartar sauce, this place may not b the one for you.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Another Haiku

Creamy! Gloppy! Yum!
Kerfuffle! I threw that in
For James Taranto.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Along route nine in Vermont

I was in Vermont with the family for part of the weekend. Had two tartar sauce encounters. The first was at a place called the Chelsea Royal Diner, which is on route 9 in West Brattleboro. I ordered the turkey dinner, and asked for tartar sauce on the side. The waiter surprised me by asking "what for?" Excuse me? Like I need an excuse to have tartar sauce? When I looked puzzled, he explained "Well, you're having a turkey dinner. Why do you want tartar sauce?"

I was tempted to tell him about this blog, but thought the better of it. A good restaurant critic goes in unannounced so as to get an honest picture of the dining experience. So too did I want to get the sam gloppy goodness that anyone else would get. If I used my position as the taste buds behind this blog, then the objectivity is lost, and this blofg loses its usefulness. So I mumbled something about how I might want one of my son's french fries.

Anyway, I got the sauce. The witer brought our food, and a quart-sized squeeze bottle full of tartar sauce. The label on the bottle was misspelled "tarter sauce." Good lemony flavor. I give the sauce a 7. Depending on your feelings, you can subtract a point because I had to justify my request and/or because of the misspelling. On the other hand you can add a point because it was plentiful. I could have finished off that sucker and they wouldn't have objected.

The next night we ate at Dot's Restaurant, also on route 9, in Wilmington. I had the fish and chips. They only gave me one tiny paper cup of suace. It was OK. Not great, not bad. Not distinctive in any way. I give it a 6. The chicken vegetable rice soup with tomatoes was very good, but if you cared about tht you'd be reading the Chicken Vegetable Rice Soup with Tomatoes Report. So don't get me started.

New rating system

In response to my post about Juniors, an anonymous reader named Leon suggested a numerical rating system for tartar sauce. I think I like that, so henceforth I will rate my tartar sauce experiences on a scale of 0 (rancid, putrid, inedible) to 10 (sublime, wonderful, some other adjective). Based on this scale, the stuff from Juniors gets a 4. Maybe put an asterisk next to that rating, since I'm granting it retroactively, and my memory may be inaccurate.

This brings up an important point. Please make suggestions. This blog is for you, the tartar sauce afficianado. If there's any way I can make it more informative, or more helpful, or just plain better, please let me know. I blog to please

Friday, February 18, 2005

Lunch blogging

I just picked up lunch. A burger and fries from Junior's in the lower level of Grand Central. I got tartar sauce too. I'll blog as I eat, recording my impressions as warranted. Then I'll post when I'm done.

So I placed my order, then asked for tartar sauce on the side. That confused the guy at the register, but he asked and got confirmation that I can have the sauce. I notice my receipt has all sorts of commentary, like "Well Done" next to the burger, and "Black and White" next to the shake. But no mention of tartar sauce. So when my order comes, I check to make sure it's there. Good thing I do, since it isn't. They quickly put two little plastic containers in my bag. That's a good sign, since we're not talking about presealed packets like McDonalds ketchup.

The tartar sauce looks good. Slightly greenish tint. An little cruchy (like cucumber is crunchy) bits of something in it. There are lots of little bubbles in it, so I believe it was mixed in some kind of industrial strength mixer, that got lots of air into it. Through the plastic of the container, it looks like a sponge. It doesn't have the same bite I'm used to. There is a flavor that's familiar, but that I can't quite place. Pretty good. Not the best tartar sauce I've had, but pretty good.

Scratch that. I'm about two thirds of the way through my fries, and I find I'm tired of this particular sauce. Weird. I'm gonna have ketchup on the rest.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

My first Tartar sauce for the blog

Worked late tonight, so I got dinner at Burger King. The fish sandwich. The whaler. Or Filet McFish. Or something. Who cares?

Anyway, that had tartar sauce on it. Pretty piss poor that the first tartar sauce I get to report for this blog was Burger King. I could have (should have?) made up some story about a great dinner at a seafood restaurant, with fancy linens and a beautiful china tray full of creamy yummy tartar sauce. But that's not what happened. I got a Slab O'Fish at Burger King (on 47 street just off Lexington Avenue), and that has tartar sauce.

Let's be clear. This wasn't creamy yummy sauce. It was watery, barely tolerable glop. And there was very little of it. If you go to McDonalds and get their fish sandwich, it's loaded with tartar sauce. Shoot, the stuff is cheap enough, they can afford to be generous with it. Or maybe it's just that their sandwich is so tiny, that a little sauce looks like a lot. What the @%?** do I know?

Maybe I'll get better tartar sauce some other time. Anyway, here's a haiku:

Oh what great white sauce
I love to slurp it down fast
It's best on french fries.

No tartar sauce today (so far)

Ate lunch at Cafe Metro on the corner of 46th and Lex. Had a salad and a little thing of wasabi peas. No tartar sauce. I could really go for some creamy goodness.